Amazing what a train ride can do...

I read the last entry I wrote about my first impressions of India and I crack up; I admit it got the best of me for a while but I am really enjoying this part of the trip. I've learned to decline offers on the streets with politeness and good humor (as long as they don't follow me for a few meters I'm ok). I've learned not everyone is out to sell me something or hit on me- some people really are interested in just talking! Two days ago I took an overnight train ride from Agra (after visiting the Taj Mahal, incredible) to Varanasi which I must say (at the expense of sounding cheesy) has altered the rest of my trip through India, and the remainder of these next four months of traveling. There's something calming, soothing and meditative (is that a word?) about crossing through countrysides, having hours and hours to read and write and just think. I reflected on these past four months, the learning lessons thus far, and where I was headed for this next month in India. I think I lost sight of this running around sight seeing through the state of Rajasthan, which was beautiful and educational but something was not sitting well. I was suckered into buying something I didn't want (and that I couldn't get a refund on) back in Delhi and it was either taking this "two week" tour (which I had just completed upon leaving Agra) or walking away from the deal altogether; I figured I might as well sight see. I tried making the best of it (the sights were amazing) despite the resentment and broken spirit I had from the situation I was in. This out of all experiences I've had so far, has REALLY challenged me to just let it go, look forward and think, what can you do now? As I said, that train ride to Varanasi really allowed me to refocus and think about what I'm doing here. I also re-read a copy of the essay I wrote for the fellowship that I had glued to a journal. I knew what I had to do. I looked at all these pre-purchased train tickets that would have zipped me through the entire country, set them aside, and took out my guide book to rework the entire next month. No more Mumbai, Goa, Bengalore, Chennai and Kolkata; it was too ambitious and not in tune with what I imagined myself doing here.

What now? Well, I hope to be in Kathmandu (Nepal) within the next two days, return to India for a 10 day meditation course and end in Kolkata. It's like asking yourself what's better, eating a whole pie or savoring a slice? Yes, I'll have a slice of that pie, please.

India

I am in India now and it has been...crazy. In the end, I can only laugh, otherwise, I'll have a misearable time beating myself up for being such a sucker and falling for what other people tell me and "suggest". It hasn't been easy traveling as a solo woman; there are hardly any women on the streets (if there are, they are just passing by) and all the people working outside- from cooks, to cleaning service- are all men. My natural distrust in men is really challenging me; it's hard when there are guys telling you that the other guy shouldn't be trusted, and they all seem so sweet and nice. Well, I guess that is how the first week goes..now I've become more assertive, and, sorry to say, but I can't find a better way to put it- I've become a bitch on the streets with touts (men on the streets trying to take you somewhere, rip you off, "help you out"). Does it sound like I've been ripped off? YES...



...but then I look around, and realize- man, you're in freakin India for goodness sakes, and I just smile. I spent two nights in the desert near Jaisalmer in Rajistan and I saw a bright red sunset - and even a moon set! I danced under a beautiful full moon last night. It's not been all so bad, but it has been a challenge to really do some self-talk and not let a small aspect of tourism get in the way of really enjoying this experience and opening up to genuinely good people. Here are some snippets of what I've observed and experienced-

In Delhi, there are numerous sexologist offices (Jeanette, you can find work here!) with big billboards.

Everyone on the street honks- to let you know- get out of the way, I'm passing through and I'm not stopping- not even for you, old lady and little kids.

I think I've gotten use to the smell of dirty bathrooms, or I've learned to not smell it. I thought this the other day when I went into a stall on the side of the road (basically a hole with stuff all over) - 'hm, I bet this bathroom must have smelled a lot worse four months ago when I started traveling...'

Sample of taxi driver questions: hello, how are you? Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend? How many brothers and sisters do you have? What do you do at home? How much does that pay? It's been fun making up stories- I say I have a fisherman boyfriend in Thailand and I'm just in India for two weeks.

Of course, I have not overlooked the poverty, the children, the lack education, but that deserves a more thoughtful, insightful entry than this choppy I'm-in-a-rush one. Above and below are pictures from the desert and the fort in Jaisalmer.